The following are some lame crappys, maybe jokes to some, not originated from me of course~ Hope you guys enjoy, do post comments, with your names =) Thanks.
P.S.: Sorry if some contents, were deemed offensive to you =X
: Some contents could also be 'too cold' for you to even smile...

1*
A man and his wife quarrelled and were giving each other the silence treatment. Suddenly, the man remembered that he needs to wake up at 5am the next day for an air flight. He needs his wife to wake him up.
However, not wanting to break the silent war and lose by talking, he left a note at a place he knew she will surely see it.
He wrote, "Please wake me up at 5am tomorrow".
The next day, he woke up at 9am. Furious at his wife for not waking him up, which made him miss his flight.
He was about to confront his wife when he noticed a note beside his own note, it reads, "It's 5am, wake up".

2*
The Official SMRT Pledge:

We, the passengers of SMRT,
Pledge ourselves as one impatient people.
Regardless of kids, adults or elderly,
To rush for unoccupied seats,
Base on pushing, shoving or by any lethal means necessary.
So as to achieve rest, sleep, slumber,
For our very own pleasure and comfort.

3*
A woman was discussing with her friend about her son's chinese grade in school.
She said, "My son was ranked No.1 in his chinese class..."
Her friend exclaimed, "Wow, thats good! My son only got No.2 in his class!"
The mother sighed before saying, "I rather my son be like your son and get No.2!"
Surprised and shocked, she asked, "Huh? Why?"
The mother explained, "You see, because he's first, there's no more room for improvement..."

4*
There was a guy who knows practically everything in the world.
He was challenging anyone to ask him a question that he don't know or can't answer.
Then there's this guy who brought with him a chair.
He drilled 7 holes in a circular manner on the seat and labelled each hole 1-7, before sitting on the chair and farted.
After which he ask Mr-know-it-all, "Now tell me, which hole did my fart came out from?"
Mr-know-it-all inspected the seat before saying, "Hole numbers 1,2,3,4,5,6&7!"
The guy immediately replied, "Wrong! It came out from my asshole."

5*
A man was looking for a job. He went for a job interview.
Everything went well until the last question.
Employer: Lastly, we need someone who is responsible.
The man: I am! On my last job, everything that went wrong, they said I was responsible.

6*
A guy told his friend that it was okay not to pay fares because he saw a sign that reads "Don't want to pay the fare? FINE!"

7*
Ah Beng was asked to form a sentence with the words,
Green, pink, yellow, blue, white, purple, black
before he could be employed.
He thought for a moment before saying:
I heard the phone go GREEN GREEN,
then i PINK up the phone lor, then i said "YELLOW, BLUEs this?
Huh..WHITE are you saying? Wa lao, wrong number lah, dont PURPLELY disturb people and don't call BLACK hor.
He immediately got employed.

8*
A group of AH BENGs went clubbing.
Before entering, they stopped at the entrance and was dismayed to see a sign that reads "Only 18 and above allowed".
AH BENG: OMG lar, we only got 17 people here sia, how?

9* [You would understand this if you're a GREAT FAN of Jay, Jie Lun]

我是三年二班的周杰伦，最喜欢喝爺爺泡的茶。
如果有人欺負你就給我暗号，
我會化爲半兽或忍者，用双截棍叫他安靜，让它开不了口，
然後再以父之名大骂他一頓， 把他的睫毛拔光光！
晴天時，我會用双刀來砍他，再叫我馬子蔡依林用半岛铁盒來K他，
要他大声说自己是懦夫！叫他不要作弄可爱的女人，
不然我會用龙拳和他平到最后的战役，
再把他丟到爱情悬崖下，让他学蝸牛爬上來，
除非他有机会回到过去，否則這將是他的世界末日！！！

10* [NEVER ARGUE WITH A WOMAN]
The husband returns home after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She travels a short distance, anchors and reads her book.
Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says: "Good Morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies while thinking. "Isn't that obvious?"
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment," he says. "For all I know, you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," she says.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment," says the woman. "For all I know, you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," says the warden and left.
[Moral: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.]

11* [Some dialogues]

Man to wife on wedding night: Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?
Wife replies: Of course, honey. I stayed awake with all the others!

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
He replies: Thanks for the warning.

A wife asks her husband: What do you like most in me -- my pretty face or my sexy body?
He looks at her from head to toe and replies: I like your sense of humour.

Interviewer to millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?
Millionaire: I owe everything to my wife.
Interviewer: Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?
Millionaire: A billionaire.

12* [Fishy Offer]
A customer at a gourmet grocery in England marvels at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.
He asks: "Tell me, Morris, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Morries replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear.
"But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $12 per piece," says Morris.
The customer buys three.
A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.
"You didn't eat enough," says Morris.
The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later ,he's back and this time he's really angry.
"Hey, Morris," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $12 a piece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for $6. You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."

===============================================

Bleah, after reading, comment ^_^
If none could even make you smile..aiyo, something wrong (:

Lotsa movies coming, dont even know got time to watch or nt..
jus a reminder for myself:

2006:
Dec 7 CINDRELLA (Horror)
Dec 21 THE CURSE OF THE GOLDEN FLOWER (Dunno)
Dec 21 NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM (Horror)
Dec 28 DEATH NOTE 2 (Dunno)

2007:
Feb 15 JUST FOLLOW LAW *Jack Neo production* (Abt Sporeans)
May 3 SPIDER-MAN 3

zz, 1 of the only 2 best subjects that i took today, turned out to be a DISASTER, my poa wasn't the usual i been gettin in class, and i know the results wouldn't be as outstanding as those i get in class either.

can only blame myself, play play play, i forgot to learn that amalgamation thing...that whole 20 marks i know was gone.. Q3 the what 2 sources..and 2 advantages of sales ledger ctrl or something de..whole 4 marks left blank too.
Depression? Maybe, dunno, see how, probably, unlikely, not sure, whatever.
gotta go play more games to eliminate the sorrow in me~
whahahahaha

w00t, for me, it's gonna be a Social Study O lvls paper, imma gonna 'study' the theme that is gonna come out, that theme..3 years didnt come out, this year where can dont come out de?!

if this year's SS SEQ are: Looking Ahead, Growth of Nations & Venice, i can say gdbye to my humanities results.
but i still strongly think that, the topics for this year will be those above and replacing Venice with Birth Of Nations.
iya dunno larz, Life is Unpredictable, Exams too... jus hope everyone's favourite HOT theme would come out tmr ba.
i don wan to think about 'what if those 3 themes i studied didnt come out, what if...', instead, imma gonna think what if all 3 themes i studied come out, which shud i choose?
Hahax~ sian, somemore at 2pm..waste time sia =/ early take, pain end early ma~
bleahz, gonna go type out all i memorized at a microsoft word le. xD

Tom's friend ♥

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